I know you want to do the very best for your baby, but there is no one right way and there is no right and wrong in parenting.
True, it’s wrong to let a child starve or sleep outside in the cold without shelter, but I don’t see that as your problem. Your problem is that you are so concerned about doing the right thing that you are creating an artificial cocoon around the baby that may interfere with his development. And, it’s driving you nuts with unnecessary worry.
For example, as adults, it is important that we know how to adjust to the personalities of our supervisors, team leaders, coworkers, and top managers. Will they all be on the same page, all the time? Will they all have the same personality? Will they all be ethical like robots preprogrammed to only act in a certain way? Nope. They will each be individuals with all the idiosyncrasies that implies in the normal workplace.
Now, how does that come back to a 2 month old baby? Some books insist that the baby sleep in the same place every night: their bed and on their back. Daddy thinks that the baby loves sleeping on his arm all night, mommy is sure that the baby is safer in a crib like the books advise. So what’s up? The baby has learned at the young age of 2 months that granny who smells of jasmine puts him on his tummy on her lap and he feels safe and falls asleep. His daddy lays him on his arm in an awkward slant, but his heartbeat and shaving cologne are wonderful, and he sleeps just fine there. Mommy puts him on his back, but he is right beside her and can hear her heartbeat. But, the baby is sleeping in all those positions. In other words, the little fellow has already learned to adapt to different situations… just like he will have to adapt when he eventually leaves the house and enters the wild workforce with different personalities and expectations.
There is no wrong way to be a parent, if the baby is fed, feels safe, and has adequate shelter. Different cultures sleep in different beds: the floor, hammocks, slings on mommy’s back, expensive yuppy cribs, daddy’s chest, granny’s lap, and mommy’s arms.
What is wrong is that our culture makes a living writing books that proclaim there is a better way to do it and it is stressing out the mommies. Dr. Spock drove a generation insane with his theories on child rearing. Thank goodness the children survived him.
Even if the parents are not on the same page, it is an opportunity for the child to measure the pros and cons of the situation and think outside the box and find the advantageous spot for himself. Let the little fellow experience different situations and learn to roll with the flow. Let him/her learn that life has ups and downs and unexpected occurrences that he/she will have to think about and accommodate into his repertoire of reactions. He knows that you will always be there for him and that is what is most important.